Its been time...

Basic jist of the past few months of my life.

I'm in love with John Freeman.

He makes me smile and he makes me very happy.

I start work tomorrow at RBS.

I'm going to university in Lancashire in september.

I go to Chicago in just over a month.

I love my life.

I CAN DRIVE.

Broom broom

This is a sexy sexy time for me.

3 days of none stop driving. WOWWW

i'm sleepy.

Got chased by a car full of chavs flashing their lights at me earlier, getting up my arse

they would not leave me alone..Threw a fucking bottle at my car...finally pulled into mayflower pub car park

About 5 of my guy mates waiting there.

They followed me into the car park then fucked off scared the bitches.

Bad times.

NIGHT!

xo

I don't know if anyone reads this thing.
Nor do i care.
But i'm putting everything i have on hoping tomorrow goes well.
I don't want another failure.

Clubbing tonight.

With my John boy.

Can't wait.

Aishteru

Baby's black balloon makes her fly

I almost fell into that hole in your life

And you're not thinking about tomorrow

'Cause you were the same as me

But on your knees

A thousand other boys could never reach you

How could I have been the one

I saw the world spin beneath you

And scatter like ice from the spoon

That was your womb

Comin' down the world turned over

And angels fall without you there

And I go on as you get colder

Or are you someone's prayer

You know the lies they always told you

And the love you never knew

What's the things they never showed you

That swallowed the light from the sun

Inside your room

Comin' down the world turned over

And angels fall without you there

And I'll go on to bring you home

All because I'm

All because I'm

And I'll become

What you became to me

I still think about you everyday.

You've got a lot to say
for the one that walked away.
I give you take,
its the way it's always been

oh how do i know
if i should stay or just go
the bottom line is this way that i'll never know

stay with me
stay with me

you got a lot to say
for the one that pushed me away
i give you take
some things they never change
just change

stay with me
stay with me

never know i could be this way
never know that i could walk away

these things take time to grow
it's been said that time heals wounds
but no, i won't be controlled
and so, this story goes

stay with me
stay with me

never know i could be this way
never know that i could walk away

I think i'm in love.

Everything is honestly crumbling around me.

Yet i refuse to let you win.

I refuse to let you change me as a person and drag me down to your level.

So sick of 2010.

Bring on uni.

Lindsay Samantha Wood

The name on everybody's lips.

Apparently.

So what if i'm talked about? so what if people fancy judging me?

They don't know me, nor will they ever.

But i thought that the people that know me would stick by me.

But apparently i was wrong.

How can someone change in 20 minutes?

That just says "we've been having a mass bitch about you and i have decided i don't want to see you"

Thanks guys.

P.s. Did i mention i have bi polar?

Did i mention i'm about to go psychopathic?!

Honestly.

Can i actually trust anyone?

Or am i gonna really have to put back up my wall.

i can't deal with this.

i really can't.

i honestly thought i finally found a group of people i can rely on.

now apparently i'm just a giant cunt.

Whats the point in trying anymore.

I'm an addict.

I've been playing since about 1.30...and now i am still playing, just taking a break...

i think this game is actually amazing, i love just running around and killing the people :D haha. now i sound like a psychopath!

mmm, i have a full day ahead of me as well.

Claire is taking me to ilford and we are going to have a look around where she used to live.

I need to try and get some money of my mum to get some fags and food tomorrow, and i have to be awake enough to navagate us in the car.

So i think Redbull is a MUST!

mmm

enough of this.

GAMETIME.

So today, i decided that this summer i'll spend it abroad as a holiday rep!

Well thats if i get the job!

but i am starting to apply today and i'm gonna work my butt off.

But honestly, for once i wish SOMEONE had confidence in what i can do, instead of constantly dragging me down and basically telling me that i am not good enough to do it.

Especially when they are going to do the same thing,

And i have constant agg from my parents telling me that they don't think i will be good enough and they don't think i could handle it.

Does anyone have faith in me?

No wonder i have so little self respect and faith in anything that i do.

For once, i wish i could prove them all wrong.

And i will.

My obsession for 90210 is forever growing, and even though so far i have seen both series released, watching the episodes of Silver discovering she has bi-polar still kinda hits home for me.

Thinking back to when i had no idea, and i thought my mood swings were completely normal.

When i think all the way back, the depressive manic phases i had, they always were used in a manipulative manner, to keep a certain person close to me.

Like the night i broke up with my ex alan, i asked him if it would make him feel better if i threw myself infront of the next train that came through the platform, standing there screaming at him, begging him not to go and not to leave me because he was all i had.

Then before another recent ex went to uni, i couldn't bare it, and broke up with him, i begged for him back, and then i did another stupid thing, which lead to me actually being checked for bi-polar.

I think 4 attempted suicides is enough to realise you really do have a problem.

And now, here i am, 3 months after diagnosis, and still, my parents, my family, most of my friends have no idea.

There is no comfort in telling people that i have a disorder which leads me to going psychopathic.

It kinda scares people off, they think that they could do something wrong and send me completely off, and i really don't want people to think that as i just want to be treated completely normal.

Along with bi-polar i have an unhealthy matter of narcissism. Everything that goes wrong i blame on myself, which, i guess goes along with the bi-polar sense of things.

Maybe this is why i have such a pessimistic mindset on life.

Can someone come along and change this please?

I want to be normal.

Today is the magical day of my driving test.

I have a bad feeling about it.

Needless to say i failed my last test due to 1 bloody roundabout.

Eh.

this is gonna be fun!

Lets see how much longer i won't be able to drive my car for.

Please give me all the luck in the world :|

Last night i got lovely and drunk, well i say drunk, but i wasn't really drinking :p, down the alex.

I got made someones girlfriend, i saw my old college friends and i laughed a hell of a lot.

These are the simple things in life that i really really love, spending time with old people and new people and just generally having a laugh.

Now, i am waiting for dinner, its taking its sweet sweet time, and then having a bath and going to bed as i have to be up good and early for my driving test tomorrow.

Crazy.

Lets hope the snow doesn't ruin everything for me, i won't be happy!

I'm up, Ready, Dressed, you know all that stuff that goes along with about to go out.

I have to go see those lovely people of the job centre this morning, oh the excitement, its hard to keep it inside me. After having no sleep this is exactly what i want to be thinking of at 10 to 8.

Its not all bad, i have over half hour until i need to leave so i'm thinking i may treat myself to a powernap, then treat myself to a copious amount of pro-plus, and when i get to the station to go to brandon, i shall invest in copious amounts of Relentless. Tasty.

I have decided, i want to go to another fancy dress party.

The whole deciding what to go as, preparing and then the final outcome, all mixed with getting ridiculously drunk, its just one of the best things ever, oh & the pictures are gems.

I have decided, today, i will fall asleep and drool alllll over brandon, then i'll wake up, 'ave a bubble, whilst stealing silly amounts of fags from him. its fine...he owes me anyway!

Time for a powernap!

Once again, redic'o'clock in the morning and i'm awake.

But tomorrow i have many things to do, i have to wake up at 7am, get ready and go to the job centre for 9 (Wahoo!)

Then i'm getting the train over to shoeberyness to see Brandon who is going to treat my eyes to some films.

Then to the alex to get some drinks down me and make me a happy bunny.

Sounds like a good day? yes, minus the fact i'm gonna be jacked up on pro plus and red bull or i will fall asleep on brandon.

i love my life.

& i really love the fact that i'm seeing that gorgeous face tomorrow;

Once again; i'ma love you and leave you with something about 0.003% of the nation are going to read.

http://www.besinful.com/Lyndseee_x

One day i will learn to resist the temptations of being a complete loser and sitting in my room in darkness playing call of duty,

until this day comes a long i think i'm quite happy with making sure i get my kill to death ratio in a plus plus.

On the plus side, today i bought a lovely issue of front magazine, and got moaned at by my mother cause its a "pervy boys porno magazine"

do i look like a pervy boy?

no, but i do like to get down and dirty in my underwear for a pretty sick magazine, lets just hope they put my pictures in it.

As for now, i'm going to play some more modern warfare 2, kill some more bastards and then go out for a drive in my sexmobile.

So, i have always wanted a pin-up girl tattoo, so i have decided to start getting one designed and then hopefully one day i'll have the money and get it done.

Which would probably be quite exciting cause my tattoo's are getting exceedingly larger as i get them.

So i'm hoping for this one to be quite big.

I don't really know why i'm blogging this, but i guess i have nothing better to do at 2.30am.

Lyndseee. 18. Photography.

One day i will travel the world and document everything in all kinds of photos.

Until then, i'm gonna spend every waking moment loving my friends and the time i have with them.

And probably continue to post pictures of myself into front.

Narcissism is a wonderful thing.